Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal
by Belleruth Naparstek
This book has been extraordinarily helpful to me in my pilgrimage of healing from PTSD. She validates my experience, which is enormously comforting, as so many people don't get it and say things like "Can't you get past it?" They don't understand that PTSD is physiological, not psychological, it's in the BODY and has to be worked with on that level. (For more about Jenny's experience, see about Jenny)
"I think heroes are people
who do good or necessary things at great personal cost. Heroism
must be judged by the courage and grit required to do what needs
doing. That's why trauma - that great terrorizer - produces heroes.
No one has to override fear the way a trauma survivor does.
"Sometimes the heroism looks
like nothing at all. When a phobic rape survivor makes herself
go to an evening PTA meeting, even though her heart is pounding
with terror and her body is drenched in sweat - that's a form
of heroism." (From the Introduction, p. xv)
Instead of blaming the client
for "Resisting", Naparstek recognized that her skills
weren't helping. This often happens when the client has been traumatized
and the therapist doesn't know very much about the physiology
of trauma.
"My standard therapeutic plan
was not working. Frannie was supposed to share the horror by telling
the story; get her feelings out about it and cathartically release
her anguish; examine her behavior, shed whatever irrational guilt,
self blame and shame she was carrying; experience her delayed
grief, and integrate the experience into her life. But the plan
wasn't happening.
"Baffled and frustrated, I
took my dilemma to the clinical colleagues in my practice. Instead
of trying to work with her story, they suggested that I teach
her some relaxation, breathwork, meditation - garden-variety "self-regulation"
tools to help her master and calm the waves of panic and terror.
My peers were giving me very uncharacteristic advice for a group
of traditional therapists." pp19-20
Once she begins to get what life
is like for a trauma survivor, she becomes conscious of all those
psychological underpinnings that untraumatized people take for
granted.
"Self-awareness grounds us
and supports us. We have a need to know where we stand. It's a
sense of having a stable core, a center of gravity that allows
us to feel we can claim our spot on the planet, and claim our
membership in the human race.
"Most of the time this view
of ourselves as a consistent, coherent entity is something we
take for granted, the unseen operating system that drives our
behavior and provides a context for our daily doings. It's critical
to our conscious functioning, our choice making, and our self-evaluation.
And when it's missing, we find ourselves swimming in chaos. Trauma
disrupts internal continuity, interferes with coherence, and at
least temporarily shatters identity." p43
"Boston psychiatrist and
groundbreaking trauma expert Judith Herman, author of Trauma
and Recovery, writes, 'The survivor is continually buffeted
by terror and rage. These emotions are qualitatively different
from ordinary fear and anger. They are outside the range of ordinary
emotional experience, and they overwhelm the ordinary capacity
to bear feelings.'
"Most psychological description
(Herman excepted) is too pale and flat to communicate the roiling
emotions of a survivor with post-traumatic stress. The intensity
and severity of the feelings involved are better described by
poetry, drama, and fiction, or with first person accounts... Those
who haven't experienced these things may suspect these stories
are tainted with melodrama or overstated in some way. They are
not. This is how it is. People who have suffered similar experiences
immediately recognize the truth of them." p96
"Survivors oscillate between
very intense feelings and their opposite: numbness and internal
deadness. This is the emotional counterpart to the wildly oscillating
hormonal shifts happening at the bioneurological level. People
feel as if they are sleepwalking, barely alive in these periods,
and as time goes on, it's the numbness that tends to predominate,
taking over more and more days and weeks.
"Summoning up great courage
and energy they don't feel, people with chronic PTSD haul themselves
from task to task, somehow getting through the day without a shred
of interest in it. One survivor says: 'It is like walking in a
fog. I walk the fog walk.'" p 106
Last Chapter: Ten Ingredients for Comprehensive Healing
"Survivors who fared best were
the ones who researched their own options, found out about the
new therapies, tried various combinations, and essentially took
charge of their own healing. ... People who do well use one or
more imagery-based therapies, while simultaneously working on
themselves on many fronts and from many angles."
The ten components:
1) Regular sessions with a trustworthy
therapist - for me, that's Karen, my emotional anchor.
2) A support group or therapy group.
I did the breathwork group for survivors of sexual abuse, and
part of the S.E. Training, also have ongoing supportive friendships,
especially with other survivors.
3) Some basic cognitive information
on the nature of PTSD. I read Waking the Tiger, did part of the
S. E. Training, continuing to read relevant books, workshop with
van der Kolk, etc.
4) Support from medication. Imipramine
gave me my first experience of normal brain chemistry.
5) Regular prayer or symbolic ritual.
I write for guidance, pray frequently, and have the ritual aspect
of circle dance.
6) Developing self-soothing skills.
I do meditation, and use tapes for relaxation (some of them Belleruth's),
also tapes by Pema Chodron, Sharon
Salzburg, etc.
7) Some sort of physical exercise.
I do yoga, circle dance, and regular walking.
8) Some manner of bodywork. I see
an osteopath, someone for cranial-sacral, and Kevin who has an
eclectic practice based in rolfing.
9) Regular journaling in a personal
diary, or some other form of expressive practice. I write every
day, dance at least twice a week, and paint or work with clay
regularly.
10) Guided imagery. I use Belleruth's
tapes, and also pay close attention to my physical symptoms &
the images that go with them as learned in S.E.
For copies of the book and related guided imagery CDs, go to Belleruth's website.